Can you spot any real-life accountant or auditor whom you know?
Photo by Christina Morillo from Pexels
If you’ve ever been to the office of a public accounting firm during the busy season, you will spot a myriad of characters lurking within its spaces. The pandemic might have robbed you of the chance to observe these characters come to life in a hectic, fast-paced environment.
In this humor piece, I return them to the spotlight. I also included some practical tips on how to deal with each type of accountant or auditor during the busy season whenever you’re around one.
Can you spot any real-life accountant or auditor whom you know?
1. The Watercooler Auditor
Your bottomless source of juicy gossip, the watercooler auditor is the main herald of good or bad news in the office.
How to spot them: Watercooler auditors congregate near pantries, corner office cubicles, or hallways. You’ll see them with their heads together and furiously whispering. You will catch snippets of “I know what she did in that last working paper” or “this new policy is crazy”, or “you-know-who is quitting”.
How to deal with them: Join in in their conversations. Bad or good is still news. You will realize that the office grapevine and its branches are informal yet excellent feedback mechanisms.
2. The Drone
The Drone is a seat-less, non-cubicle-locked auditor who prefers to roam around office areas most of the day. The COVID-19 pandemic impacted this person heavily, cutting the ability to wander. During pandemic days, the drone can explore only the four corners of his or her home.
How to spot them: You will rarely find them in their seat or cubicle. They will be hunkering down next to their teams, flitting from one person to the next in a matter of minutes. To spot them, you also have to be a wanderer.
How to deal with them: Know the four corners of your office by heart, even the hidden ones. Hunt down for the names of the drones’ direct reports. You’ll normally find the drone lurking within the arm’s reach of their team members. Also, be ready with your status every time you see a drone approaching.
3. The Future CFO or Firm Partner
A serious, no-nonsense auditor with a limited sense of humor and even smaller space for entertainment, you cannot mess up in front of the future CFO or firm partner.
How to spot them: You will find them at the corner-most sides of the office, furiously typing at their laptops, eyes fully focused, heads down, and wearing earphones.
How to deal with them: Do not disturb them. Keep your voices down when passing by. Do not make the mistake of committing a mistake when working with them.
4. The Gamer or Social Media Fanatic
Unsurprisingly chill, cool, and noncommittal, the part-time auditors or accountants and part-time gamers and/or social media fanatics are serious enemies of the future CFO firm or partner.
How to spot them: You will pass them by between cubicles or hallways. You will see their laptops open, but their hands will be busy with Mobile Legends or the latest games. They might also be browsing Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tiktok, or LinkedIn.
How to deal with them: Join in the fun, but only if you have time and you crave a much-needed break from your work. Then, ask these auditors to help you out with your engagements since they seem to have plenty of time on their hands.
5. The Coffeeholic
Comprising the majority accountant or auditor population, the coffeeholic sucks coffee for life.
How to spot them: Look out for the cubicles with trash cans containing some discarded coffee cups from Tim Hortons or Starbucks because their occupants will most likely be the coffeeholics. Also, pay attention to desks where you might see the coffeeholic’s favorite coffee mugs or coffee brands in full display beside their laptops.
How to deal with them: Buy them some more coffee. At this point, it is too late to tell them to stop. If you also need something urgently done, bribe them with more coffee.
6. The Bomb
This auditor will explode at the tiniest sign of trouble. Prone to bursts of excitement or anger, the Bomb is a difficult person to deal with during the busy season.
How to spot them: You will see perpetual frowns on their faces. You will find them thumbing fastidiously through working papers. If the Bombs do not find what they seek, they will explode.
How to deal with them: The best way to handle the bombs is to make them explode as early as possible, as often as possible. This way, every explosion depletes their energy. By the time you are well into the busy season, you will have fewer explosions to worry about. If you want to prevent a total explosion, identify the bomb triggers and keep them out of the way. When an explosion catches you by surprise, absorb the shock but don’t let its power seep into you.
7. The Crying Lady
The Crying ladies are the primary source of melodrama at the office. They are more often involved with notorious auditors or accountants who cause their woes and troubles.
How to spot them: You will find them in the restrooms, sniffing, and trying to hold themselves together.
How to deal with them: Try not to be too obvious when you hear them crying. Don’t be nosy if you don’t have a solution. Don’t offer help if you cannot remove the individual/s who are causing them emotional pain.
8. The Fairy Godmother
Motherly, warm, and empathetic—the fairy godmothers are accountants or auditors capable of comforting the crying ladies.
How to spot them: You will find a fairy godmother hovering just outside the comfort room doors, waiting for one of the crying ladies to exit so that she can offer her a wad of tissue.
How to deal with them: Keep out of their way. Bring them extra tissues.
9. The Runner
Extremely agile and flexible, these are auditors (mostly first-years or interns) who have finished their most daunting tasks (or senior auditors simply keep them away from the difficult jobs). Senior auditors prefer to assign them the most essential task of delivering confirmations or ordering food deliveries.
How to spot them: You will see them carrying large brown envelopes bearing engagement letters, confirmation letters, manuals, and all other sorts of paperwork. You will hear them talking to their phones, confirming the number of food orders.
How to deal with them: Offer to press the elevator floor for them or to carry some of their bundles until they can exit the elevator. Provide them with practical tips on the easiest way to get from one bank to the next or the fastest way to get reimbursements.
10. The Ghost
They are auditors who are adept at disappearing acts in the middle of the busy season.
How to spot them: You will not spot them because they will stop coming to meetings, will stop answering your calls, and will start being offline at all messaging channels.
How to deal with them: If you have been ghosted, assume responsibility for the remaining work as if nothing happened. Let the authorities handle the ghost-hunting.
Photo by Cleyton Ewerton on Unsplash
11. The Magician
In cahoot with The Ghosts sometimes, the Magicians are well-versed at performing various magic tricks in the working papers. They will be hiding tabs or whiting out some cells, evilly chuckling while imagining the surprised look of the next auditor who will find the magic trick. The veteran magicians can conjure the hardest tricks to spot.
How to spot them: You will find them lurking in the darkest and hidden parts of the office where they can perform their magic, undisturbed.
How to deal with them: If you are lucky to spot any of their sinister acts in action, politely call them out. If you discovered the magic trick later after the magician has left the team, just deal with it.
12. The Half-Zombie
Physically alive but mentally dead, most accountants or auditors turn into half-zombies often during busy seasons. Auditors turn into zombies due to the coffee overdose and sleepless nights.
How to spot them: You will spot them aimlessly walking, with their coffee-addled bodies and unresponsive faces. You will hear them cursing at crashed screens that similarly are not responding.
How to deal with them: Tell them to take a break. Offer them work-free weekends. Gift them with nice sleeping bags or anything bed-related so that they will start looking forward to sleep.
13. The Saly
Saly is the same as last year. They are auditors who are allergic to change, who detest new ways of doing things, and who remain unchanged themselves, year after year.
How to spot them: You will see traces of their rigidness on some working papers. You will find their influence in the team culture and office policies. They will not smile or laugh if you ask them to read this piece.
How to deal with them: Do not talk about change upfront. Show, rather than tell.
Final Thoughts
Remember that no matter what quirk your colleague has, the key to understanding people is to look at the overall package. Each person brings value to the table. Each person possesses unique skills and traits. So why not find the value in each other’s differences?
Disclaimer
I created this profiling based on my observations of several public accounting offices (from different countries). This is also a satirical piece aimed for entertainment only. Any resemblance to an actual person is not intended by the author.
